Romantic! Long Distance E-Sex Scheduled On Public Google Calendar
AbroadHolidaysSex February 13, 2026 The New England Classic
ZOOM WITH HEART-THEMED BACKGROUND — In the lead up to Valentine’s Day, Boston College students prepare for the most romantic day there is. Students get their hopes up that their situationship will snap them back by the big day, disinterested boyfriends same-day ship gold-painted roses from TikTok shop, and long-distance couples organize a call for some quality time semi-together.
Delilah Usional (MCAS ‘27) has been dating her boyfriend, Seb Shuly-Froostrated (CSOM ‘27), since September. Though Shuly-Froostrated is gone all spring for study abroad in Rome, they both agree their relationship will survive long distance as Seb promised to start picking up her phone calls.
While Shuly-Froostrated has yet to have time to call and ask about her day, he makes sure they have regular daily e-sex sessions over Zoom. Shuly-Froostrated makes sure to schedule each 2-minute session on his Google calendar, so the 20-30 people he messages on LinkedIn each week can easily schedule a coffee chat that fits his schedule. Still, the hopeless romantic he is, he made sure to set aside a whole 4 minutes for this Valentine’s Day session.
“Intimacy when apart is so important,” said Usional. “It’s worth the sacrifices. I don’t even mind how often the signal cuts out and I end up saying, ‘What was that? Can you say what you said again? It froze. No, not that thing, the thing you said after that. Oh you said I’m your good girl. Cool—I mean, uh—that’s so hot.’”
Amidst the difficulty, Usional keeps strong in the fact that at least Shuly-Froostrated is following his dream of seeing the world. Though, strangely, ‘the world’ has meant Amsterdam every single weekend.
“It’s nice having her on call when I’m gonna get crankin’,” said Shuly-Froostrated. “It’s more convenient than searching through her Instagram following list to find photos of her friends. Plus my dick could use a little pixelation, ya feel?”
At press time, Usional was seen engaging in some sensual foreplay: logging into Zoom, using a text message to complete two-factor authentication, clicking the schedule button, entering a time, date, topic, and duration, enabling the waiting room, copying the invitation link, and sending it (with the meeting code) to Shuly-Froostrated.
