The Worst Person You Know Just Reminded You They’re NOT Going To Nashville For Fall Break

IGNACIO HALL — We know you’ve been counting down the days for fall break. Even though your CSOM roommate might be coasting by with their zero midterms and concerning nicotine addiction, most of us are one bad chemistry lab or lackluster football game away from dropping out of school. A nice, relaxing, debaucherous, and friendship-ending bender in Tennessee is all anyone can think of this time of year. One student, however, has made different plans for his four day autumnal hiatus. 

“To be honest, when my friends told me they were going to Nashville, I was pretty disappointed in them,” said Lou Zerr (MCAS ‘26). “As a free thinker, there’s just something that a weekend drinking in Nashville couldn’t give me. I think I need something a little more enriching.”

Zerr was generous enough to elaborate on some of his more ‘ideal’ break destinations for the Classic. “My initial plan was to hang out and go on a silent film marathon alone in my dorm room. I’m aware that it takes a special type of person to understand. It would definitely go over the heads of those hooligans in Tennessee, with their beer and sportsball jerseys.”

“Instead of the Nashville bar scene, I much prefer to enjoy the sophistication of a cafe in Boston,” Zerr continues. “Instead of trying to ‘bang bad bitches’ at Morgan Wallen’s lame excuse for a bar, I expect to woo a woman in the traditional, gentlemanly fashion. It seems that no guy wants to be a good guy these days. Sometimes I just think I was born in the wrong generation.”

At press time, students reported seeing Zerr’s roommates fully moving out their belongings prior to the break.

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