Pro-Life Club Sponsors Baby Petting Zoo

STOKES LAWN – The Pro-Life Club recently made waves within the BC community after the unveiling of their newest social event: the Baby Petting Zoo, featuring actual human infants ranging in age from 4 months, all the way up to 3 years old. The club has locally sourced dozens of babies from daycares and hospitals in order to provide a more hands-on experience for the care and keeping of children.

The idea was conceived by club president and proud theology major, Roev Wade (MCAS ’25). “Nothing beats propaganda like a squishy smelly baby! We’ve made sure to hand pick only the plumpest and stinkiest- the real cream of the crop!”

There will not only be an opportunity to pet these cute creatures, but feed them as well. GoGo Squeez pouches will be available to purchase at the zoo, along with photo-op packages at an additional cost.

The event will also feature fun, interactive games such as “Pin the umbilical cord on the Fetus,” and, for those feeling lucky, gambling opportunities during the Baby 100-Yard Dash. Attendees can place bets on which baby will crawl the fastest across the finish line for a chance to win a $5 cash prize and a free poster board to bring to their next Planned Parenthood protest.

The babies will be kept in a small, enclosed toddler pen with ample access to iPads, chicken nuggets, and gerbil water feeders. When asked about this potentially harmful environment for the children, Wade assured students that the pen will be completely baby proofed, as the grass is soft and a little dirt never hurt anyone. “Kids don’t require much, just the basics will do!” he reports.

Tickets for the event will be available on the Robsham website, with VIP packages available for those wishing to enjoy exclusive perks such as extra cuddle time or the limited edition BC branded chastity belt.

More Hot Single Sandwiches NEAR YOU:

BC Alcohol Compliance Officer Ranked First in Jobs That Will Definitely Get You Laid BC’s Legal Lineup: Predictions for Who’s Diving into the Swim & Dive Legal Battle Health Services To Begin Inserting Tiny Crucifixes In Place of IUDs Do Not Stand Idly By As BC Destroys Its Finest Cultural Institution