“That’s Not A Buick,” Reports Student Staring At Buick
VANDERSLICE HALL — Multiple eyewitnesses have confirmed that a heated telephone argument took place between a student and his Uber driver on Sunday night, as Lincoln Ford (CSOM ‘23), late for boys’ night at The Circle Tavern, frantically searched for his $8.23 ride to Cleveland Circle.
“I’m outside, where are you?” Ford reportedly demanded.
On the other end of the phone, the driver could be heard saying, “I’m right here, in the Buick!”
Ford made it clear that he did not see a Buick.
“What, the black one? With the big front grill? Tinted windows? Four-door? V6? Looks about ‘08, ‘09 maybe? Apple CarPlay™? Rear-wheel drive? Automatic heated seats? Yeah, that’s not a Buick bro, nice try” Ford exclaimed to the Buick’s owner. “Just tell me what car you’re in, I’m late for drinking beer.”
Ford reportedly arrived at The Circle twenty-five minutes later, having cancelled his Uber and called a Lyft, which arrived in an easily-confirmed 2017 Buick Lacrosse with a revised MS2000 w-body and a 3.8 L 3800 Series III V6 engine.
“I met Ford later that night, and when he came in he was muttering something about how the car definitely wasn’t a Buick,” explained Kee Asoule (MCAS ’23) in an interview with The Classic. “Honestly, I’m not sure what he was going on about. I saw him looking for that first car, and it was obviously a fucking Buick. I mean, four ventiports under the hood? Wood grain shift knob? Illuminated vanity mirror? Torque steer? 4T65-E automatic transmission? Buddy, that’s a Buick. Get a fucking clue.”