The NEC Endorses Mayors Quimby, West For UGBC President And VP
Media outlets have a civic responsibility to conform their readers’ minds to their own way of thinking, and this is especially true in elections. With this in mind, The New England Classic endorses Mayor Joseph Fitzgerald O’Malley Fitzpatrick O’Donnell The Edge Quimby (CSOM ’22) and Mayor Adam West (MCAS ’22) for UGBC President and Executive Vice President.
After speaking with each of the candidate teams, The Classic believes that Quimby and West are unrivaled in terms of political prowess and experience. Both candidates are mayors in mid-sized American cities, demonstrating that they have what it takes to lead a much less impressive governmental body.
Quimby’s Bostonian roots are also a huge part of his appeal. In interviews with the editors of The Classic, Quimby discussed the amount of persecution he had to overcome in order to maintain a positive public perception.
“It hasn’t been easy to be a successful mayor while also embezzling and being the subject of twenty-seven paternity cases,” he said, sitting in front of a sign in his office reading “Corruptus in Extremis.”
“Some might even say that I’ve been a martyr for the great city of Springfeld for my entire time as mayor,” Quimby continued.
The mayor refused to comment on his mispronunciation of “Springfield,” but quickly turned to praising the accomplishments of his running mate.
“Adam West is an absolute genius. He’s spearheaded tons of initiatives in Quahog, including cementing coffins so that dead people can’t return as zombies,” said Quimby. “That’s the kind of out-of-the-box thinking BC’s student government needs.”
Somehow, Quimby and West manage to be the most progressive, inclusive, and plausible candidates in this year’s election. After all, their platform has emphasized bridging the gap between the fan bases of two long-winded animated sitcoms.
Together, they have given Boston College students a vision of the type of change that they can expect from UGBC: two-dimensional and entirely fictitious.