UGBC To Hold Impeachment Trial by Slapbox
THE SCHILLER INSTITUTE FOR INTEGRATED SCIENCE AND SOCIETY — Following the Undergraduate Government of Boston College (UGBC)’s recent vote to impeach its student body president, new developments have surfaced regarding the administration’s unique approach to the trial process. According to inside sources, the trial will consist of two chosen champions, each representing one side of the impeachment debate, slapboxing to death.
Hidden among the scaffolds and drainpipes of the unfinished Schiller Center, UGBC senators were seen engaging in a number of brutal slap-box style fights: shirts removed, blows exchanged with open palms, and no protective gear in sight.
“It’s crazy,” said Phil Buster (MCAS ‘22), a senator for the junior class. “They put us all in a circle and gave us that speech from Fight Club. Except instead of telling us not to talk about it, they just said ‘we are investigating the situation and will issue an official statement once a verdict has been reached by all parties involved.’”
It is unclear how slapboxing will bring an adequate resolution to the trial. However, while some are describing it as barbaric and childish, students have demonstrated overwhelming support for the process, citing it as “the most productive UGBC has ever been.”