OIP Announces New External Program With Galactic Federation
MAWRTH VALLIS, MARS — The Office of International Programs announced on Friday an exciting new study abroad opportunity for Boston College students. Science nerds, conspiracy theorists, and your roommate who loved Interstellar rejoiced as the Galactic Federation’s Martian base was unveiled as a destination for 2022 study abroad programs.
“You know that part of Interstellar where Matthew McConaughy is in the big cube?” Said George Dourk (CSOM ‘23). “I hope it’s like that.”
The program was announced following a report from a former Israeli Space Security Chief earlier this week, detailing the existence of the so-called “Galactic Federation,” of which Earth is not yet officially a part. The Galactic Federation, ardent defenders of our galaxy and all those who inhabit it, wish to understand the ways of modern, intelligent university students. Since everyone at Harvard and MIT seemed to be busy, the Federation decided the next best thing was to study Boston College Students, and have stated that the program will bear many similarities to the renowned 2014 science-fiction film Interstellar.
“They simply fascinate us,” remarked M̶̡̢̗͍͝ͅï̵̡̹̼̮̮t̴̛̜̤̩̦̑̄̓͌̕͠ͅͅc̵̳̓̓͛̒̍̀̚h̶̛͎̳̩̫͊̌̔͂̄, a senior ambassador to the Federation. “Not once in four millennia have we encountered a species whose diet consists entirely of carbohydrates and fermented grains, and yet is capable of such emotional overstimulation. After observing a few of them watch the film Interstellar by the Earthling Christopher Nolan, we realized that we have an enormous amount to learn.”
“We know many juniors and seniors have been affected by the recent cancellation of study abroad programs,” the Office of International Programs said in their announcement, which featured a selection of preparatory scenes from 2014’s Interstellar. “Therefore, we are offering a new opportunity to be ana- I mean, intellectually probed, by the esteemed faculty of the Galactic Federation’s Mars base.”
When asked which aspects of interplanetary culture might be the most surprising to wandering students, a representative said, “We find most new members of the Federation are shocked to learn that there is, in fact, a God, and that he is exactly as described in the great Earthling film, Bruce Almighty (2003).”
At press time, several students were undergoing preparation for the long journey, adjusting to their freeze-dried diet by eating the new macaroni and cheese in the Rat.