Following Lack of Applications, ResLife Initiates Mandatory RA Draft
MALONEY HALL – Boston College Residential Life made the decision this past week to instate mandatory selection of Residential Assistants for the upcoming academic year.
This year follows the declining trend of RA applications. Many believe the shift is related to students actually considering the reality of spending their junior year on Newton Campus.
“What better way to increase the quality and diversity of the RAs,” said ResLife President George Crosby in a statement, “then for us to forcibly choose who we want to put on our brochures for next year?”
Mike Nash (MCAS ’21) was one of students selected by the draft. He was looking forward to living in a triple in Roncalli, but now he has to look forward to begging people to get free pizza.
“I mean, I’ve always wanted to live in Walsh, but this wasn’t really what I had in mind,” Nash said.
“It’s not even that bad of a job,” said ResLife veteran and veritably chill RA Darryl Stills (CSOM ’19). “You know, I just vibe with my residents. They’re basically my bros. You already know I’ve had a couple brewskis with ‘em. And hey, if their roommate doesn’t want to be sexiled, then like I just let ‘em smash in my room.”
Basic training for the recruits will begin with a series of Botox injections to ensure all RAs are permanently happy. This will be followed be two weeks of physical training where RAs have to collect as many candles, foam mattress toppers and empty beer cans as they can under a time limit.
Those that fail to impress in physical training will have to rehearse their, “I’m always here for you if you want to chat” speech as many times as they can before the August move-in.