The New England Classic
Following Lack of Applications, ResLife Initiates Mandatory RA Draft

“What better way to increase the quality and diversity of the RAs,” said ResLife President George Crosby in a statement, “then for us to forcibly choose who we want to put on our brochures for next year?”

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Juniors Desperately Praying To Live In Cramped Shithole

“I want to do terrible things inside that tiny domicile that I will not be able to get away with in the real world, when my JP Morgan internship inevitably turns into a full-time offer!”

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