Eduroam Flooded With “How to tie a tie” Before Career Fair
CONTE FORUM — In just a few hours, hundreds of business casual-clad Boston College students will descend upon the Career and Internship Fair in the hopes of landing “the big one.” Resumes, business cards, and firm handshakes will all be exchanged in the name of capitalism, but one important fact will not be disclosed: literally fucking no one knows how to tie a tie.
Boston College IT Services (ITS) widely publicized this so-called “Tie-pocalypse” in an announcement about the structural integrity of the eduroam wireless network on Wednesday afternoon. Posting on its Facebook page, ITS revealed that hundreds of BC students generated thousands of tie-related search inquiries between the hours of 7 AM and 12 PM.
“Our network has been inundated with searches for ‘tying ties,’ ‘how to tie a tie,’ ‘half windsor knot,’ ‘formal tie knot,’ ‘tie knots that yield the highest annual salaries,’ ‘what to do with my neck during a job interview,’ and even ‘full windsor knot.’ Such haphazard Googling is harmful for the overall strength of our wireless network, and furthermore is simply embarrassing,” the statement read.
The Facebook post went on to conclude that such “feckless necktie chicanery” should not be rewarded by the Boston College Career Center or outside employers. Despite this strongly worded condemnation, many Boston College students remain proud of themselves for overcoming adversity in such a critical moment.
William McKnot (CSOM ‘19) is one such student who has recently “tied the knot.” After scrolling through a dozen different BuzzFeed videos of people attempting to tie ties, McKnot found the tutorial he was looking for, and after just 63 brief attempts, was able to tie something that slightly resembled a Windsor knot.
His roommate Gregory Tye (CSOM ’19), has yet to learn how to tie a tie despite being a senior.
“I mean, it’s not a skill I can get endorsed for on my LinkedIn. Why should I care about it anyway?” he said.
At press time, Tye was seen wearing a slightly crooked clip-on in a desperate attempt to appease his father, who works as a recruiter for Goldman Sachs.