In Wake Of Blue Wave, Tully’s Introduces COVID Vaccine As New Bowl Topping
CoronavirusDining November 11, 2026 The New England Classic
TULLY’S CAFE — Following last week’s Democratic victories, Boston College Dining announced Tuesday that students will now be able to exercise their constitutional right to a COVID-19 vaccine right here on campus: by adding it to their Tully’s Bowl.
Under Trump’s America, bowl topping options were previously limited to hummus, sweet potato, chicken, cucumbers, and tomatoes among others. Now, for the additional cost of $2.50, and a Duo Mobile Two-Factor Authentication request (to verify you reposted liberal media on your Instagram story November 3), a Tully’s barista will administer the vaccine effectively and efficiently: by adding vaccine-infused hummus to the cafe’s classic bowls and pitas.
Reflecting national trends, students responded positively to Tully’s brainwashed agenda.
“Pfizer is always sold out by 12:30 PM, just like avocados,” said Maddie Moderna (LSEHD ’27), who has been forced to settle for Johnson and Johnson three days in a row due to higher than expected demand.
Following the initiative’s success, BC dining has announced plans to expand its politically relevant menu options across campus. Starting Monday, students will be able to add reproductive rights to their Hillside paninis and request gender-affirming oat milk at the Chocolate Bar and CoRo Café.
“I requested a separation of church and state on the side instead of frips, but apparently that’s only available for a $10 surcharge and a blood oath to James Talarico himself,” said a disappointed Libby Ral (MCAS ’28).
BC Dining’s most ambitious new proposal, though, aims to promote bipartisan cooperation—in line with Jesuit values, of course. Students will now be able to select their political affiliation at checkout at all BC dining locations. Democrats will receive a complimentary COVID booster with their purchase, while Republicans will receive RFK Jr. Brain Worm Supplements™.
