Engineering Males Rejoice At New City Micro Peenery Announcement

COMM AVE — After four decades, White Mountain Creamery has announced it is closing up shop. Scooping and serving flavors like Butterfinger, Vanilla, and Black Raspberry, Boston College students, regardless of temperature, have flocked to the Mountain to enjoy a cone. In fact, of all Eagle on Eagle relationships, seventeen percent of couples went on their first date at White Mountain. 

However, a new yet thriving segment of Boston College’s undergraduate population seemed overly happy about the closure of a long-standing Boston College institution. Upon hearing that White Mountain would be replaced by “New City Micro Peenery,” male students within the Human Centered Engineering program celebrated vivaciously. It is statistically unclear whether the excitement amongst aspiring male engineers comes from new design opportunities provided by planned renovations, or the shop’s refreshed name. A shady quantitative analysis conducted by Hoella Skankington (LSEHD ‘28) suggests that engineers may have less to offer than other undergraduate students. 

“Oh my god. So, by undergraduate division, Human Centered Engineering students like simply cannot compare. Yeah, like they small small. People often assume like CSOM guys take first place, but like it’s actually nursing guys. Yea, I know like crazy. But anyways, yea engineers like so don’t pack. In fact like this one guy I…” Unfortunately, Skankington’s testimony had to be cut short due to privacy concerns. 

Based on Skankington’s study, stereotypes, and the fact that New City Micro Peenery serves ridiculous flavors like Dubai Chocolate, the Classic has concluded that Human Centered Engineering Students’ excitement stems predominantly from the name change. However, representation matters, so perhaps the renaming will allow engineering students to find their home on the Heights. To gain a Human Centered Engineering student’s perspective, the Classic interviewed Lil’ Pete Johnson (HCE ‘27). 

“Before, I did not feel included in Boston College’s off-campus dessert offerings. Not all of us can produce a White Mountain. Some of us guys can only produce a (usually) white ant hill. I know that New City Micro Peenery will become a home for me to be the man I am not.”

In their infamous Discord server, Human Centered Engineering students have repeatedly shared the Micro Peenery’s application link. Perhaps they can work at the Micro Peenery before applying for an internship at America’s favorite SDE firm, Lockheed Martin. 

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