Spooky: My Liberal Roommate Is Going To Murder Me
Campus CultureSpooky October 28, 2025 The New England Classic
Dear NEC,
I’m currently fearing for my life.
Upon returning to my campus safe space with some of the enlightened minds of my fellow Boston College Republicans, my eyes were opened. Forget rabies, tsunamis, and quicksand—liberals are the real threat to our way of life.
The other day, the threat was realized: My roommate is one of them. A liberal. The feeling of betrayal hurts me to my very core, and I haven’t been able to sleep in too many nights. Just like the rest of them, and just like how my wise sage Nick Solheim enlightened me, the clues all point to the fact that he’s going to kill me.
It started with the knife set he bought. They are butter knives, but you can never be too cautious.
The next day, he asked me to come to the laundry room in O’Connell House with him. He asked me to climb inside the machine because “one of his socks was stuck,” but he lost me when he insisted I squeeze my entire body inside “to see if I fit out of curiosity.”
Today he came back with a (water) GUN.
Luckily, my kevlar vest, riot shield, pepper spray, and night vision goggles came in the mail today. I’m not taking any chances with this guy, and I’m definitely not afraid to go SEAL Team 6 on his ass. It’d be the patriotic thing to do.
As a Conservative, being oppressed is not an unfamiliar feeling. But this is a next level threat we’re talking about. And the worst part is, there’s nobody I can talk to about it. The Libs infiltrated all levels of Boston College Administration. I’m all alone, and you guys at the Classic are the only ones I thought I could go to for help.
If I’m dead tomorrow, you know who did it.
Sincerely,
The Marginalized of Society
