Following Federal Government Shutdown, UGBC Vows To Continue Doing Absolutely Nothing

Following the U.S. government shutdown last week, UGBC released an urgent-campus wide statement Wednesday morning assuring students that absolutely nothing will change in their day-to-day operations.

“Following the suit of our effective federal government,” said Munnyin Pockets (CSOM ‘28), “…We want to reassure the student body that our unique ability to accomplish absolutely nothing of substance will continue as usual.”

In an act of solidarity with D.C., UGBC voted unanimously to suspend all action—a motion that passed 15-0 after 30 seconds of discussion. 

“As a legit government, we are standing in solidarity with the US Government that is being so aptly run at this time. We have personally taken calls with Trump and it’s looking optimistic. Still, we wanted to show our support for an institution that we respect so highly,” said Pockets.

Pockets stressed the importance of being a loyal member of “this democracy we call BC” during this trying time, adding to the end of the email: “UGBC will not tolerate any slander, especially the “Recently Fizzin’” #1 trend: #UGBCRFASCISTS”.

Amidst unrest from the student body (the Classic confirmed this to be one Instagram story complaint from a lowly UGBC Senator) following the statement, UGBC posted a follow-up Instagram post listing several vital functions that will remain unchanged during the shutdown:

• Free printing will still not be available
• Towels will continue to be a privilege at the plex
• The senate will continue to “deliberate” on whether to form a subcommittee to explore the possibility of looking into “sustainability”
• Laundry machines will still charge $4 to not clean your clothes
• Dining dollars will retain their current exchange rate (.1 cent to every 1 U.S. dollar)
• The Rat still will not be getting Spotify Premium

Tommy O’Debt (MCAS ‘26), the UGBC Treasurer, confirmed that the organization’s retreat “is back and better than ever” and the budget will not decrease despite the shutdown. “In fact, it may even increase,” said O’ Debt. 

All in all, UGBC stressed the importance of reflection during this difficult time. 

“We’re taking this as an opportunity to reflect on what we can do even less of,” said Pockets.

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