Parents Weekend Revelations! So That’s Why My Roommate Is Like That

YOUR CHILDHOOD BEDROOM—It’s been just over a month since aspiring students departed home for the beginning of another year on the Heights. Some parents have been itching and scratching to see their little “munchkins” for the first time in what has felt like forever. 

However, one student might be more excited for what this weekend has to offer than some of these hopeful parents ready to see their little “turnips” blackout drunk on gameday. Eve Stropper (LSEHD ’25) is reportedly “ready to unpack some of my roommate’s childhood trauma for her”. 

While we can all acknowledge that Stropper is, of course, the worst; she raises an important question. What happens when a college student who has taken 2 introductory level psychology courses applies their knowledge in real-time with a mindful eye? 

Stropper was about to find out some pretty important revelations about the person we share a 12×12 with. 

That golden retriever who wanted a relationship with your emotionally detached roommate? That one is on her old man. Yeah, he only says I love you once a year, so the idea of someone saying it over Snapchat makes her psychically ill. 

Oh? Your roommate cries when someone raises their voice at them in the kitchen? I think we know where she got that one…her name is Tracy and she runs a tight ship on Thanksgiving. I mean in her defense, Tracy made some points. If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen! And yeah, If you’re gonna mess up my system you may as well just throw the turkey out of the fucking window. 

And what is one to do with these revelations? Keep them to yourself. Stropper takes an alternative route, drunkenly blabbing about her roommate’s “inner child” to people whose last names live nowhere in her “quirky” brain. 

At press time, Stropper was seen defending her thesis proposal Traveling Trauma: The Ways In Which Trauma From Childhood Homes Migrates to College Dorms. 

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