Father Leahy Becomes A Whale, Changes Tuition To Krill
ST. MARY’S HALL — In an interesting announcement on Tuesday evening, Administration informed the Boston College community that the university’s president, Rev. William P. Leahy, S.J., had transformed into a whale.
Catherine Olick, Leahy’s administrative assistant, first broke the news. “He came in today and the first thing he said was, ‘You ever seen that Free Willy movie, Cath? Powerful stuff.’ I’ve never heard him talk about anything fun, really, and especially not movies, so that took me by surprise,” she said. “15 minutes go by and suddenly there’s a commotion in his office. I call in to see if he needs my help, but no answer. I had no choice at that point but to barge in, and I’ve never been more shocked in my life. The man had turned into a whale, blubber and all.”
Following the university-wide announcement of this development, various departments throughout the school are beginning to make arrangements for the now-leviathan Leahy.
According to Admissions, Whale Leahy plans to convert tuition from its current USD-based system to a krill-based system. The krill-to-USD exchange will be determined by Leahy on a day-to-day basis depending on how hungry he is, but it is expected to range between 10 to 100 krill per dollar.
Additionally, the biology and all-new engineering departments will be working together to design and build Leahy a freshwater, personal, indoor pool for his office.
Dwight Jesse (MCAS ’25), one of the students designing the pool, offered some valuable insight: “He really turned himself into a whale. Funniest shit I’ve ever seen.”
At press time, Leahy was seen in his study repeatedly murmuring the words, “I am Free Willy.”