WALSH HALL — The ever so authentic pizza offered by BC GET is a staple among premier campus dining options. What many fail to realize upon ordering, though, is that no BC GET pizza delivery boys are willing to accept sex as payment for the pizza.
Many hunnies have swooned at the sight of the hunky GET pizza boys gasping for breath as they trot across campus, pizzas in tow. One particularly aroused student, Mary Narah (CSON ’23) attempted to seduce a certain Adonis of a delivery boy.
“Dining dollars are tight these days. I had to think of another way to pay for that culinary masterpiece that practically transports me to a Venetian piazza when I take the first bite. Besides, the delivery boy is pretty cute, in an ironic, honestly sorta ugly kind of way. I just needed that pizza so bad, I had to resort to modern-day prostitution. It’s easily the most reasonable solution and pretty convenient, considering I could use a good romp in the sack,” Narah told the Classic.
“I made sure my room was the perfect setting for saucy love making. I kicked out my total buzzkill of a roommate, changed my TikTok lights to sexy-time red, and lit some Phantom of the Opera-style candles for ambience. I decided to wear a flasher-style trench coat with nothing underneath and then catch him by surprise once the door opened. There was no way it wasn’t gonna work,” said Narah.
Despite her sexiest efforts, Narah’s pizza payment plan was not successful. Considering the pizza would not have even been delivered unless already paid for on the GET mobile app, there was no need for other means of compensation. It seemed that she simply wanted to tip her delivery boy in a memorable way.
“I opened the door and expected him to swoon at my advances but instead, he kept insisting that I had already paid for the pizza and that I was being wildly inappropriate. Whatever. He missed out on the pure paradise of my body strewn with rubbery cheese,” Narah explained.
At press time, Narah was seen whispering sweet nothings to BC GET workers assembling poke bowls.