Future Doctor Has No Qualms About Peeing On Toilet Seat

RADNOR ROAD — Sources have confirmed that Colin Egesta (MCAS ’21), who is on the pre-med track and intends to pursue a career as a doctor, doesn’t see anything wrong with the fact that he habitually pees on the toilet seat.

Egesta’s housemates told The Classic that, although he “never shuts up” about how much he looks forward to “saving lives,” the concepts of germ theory and general hygiene have not hit home.

“I honestly think that he goes in there, looks at the toilet bowl, and then just deliberately aims for everywhere except where it’s supposed to go,” said Anthony Cordano (MCAS ’21), one of the housemates.

In addition to Egesta’s urinary habits, his acquaintances have also described his tendency to leave dishes in the sink for days on end and to neglect to throw out pizza boxes from the previous weekend.

“If he were the only doctor who could perform a life-saving operation on me, I’d rather just die instead,” said Cordano. “If you can’t aim your pee or do your damn dishes, you’re not allowed to cut me open.”

At press time, Egesta was seen hitting his Juul, boldly flying in the face of over 50 years of medical orthodoxy.

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