Freshman ELP Member Shocked To Learn She Might Actually Have To Make Other Friends
MCELROY COMMONS — On Friday afternoon, Maddie Wilson (MCAS ’23) forced to come to terms that the Emerging Leader Program (ELP) might not have provided her with the friendships she hoped it would. After spending two full hours waiting for someone to respond to the lunch invite she sent in the ELP group chat, the reportedly distraught freshman left Eagle’s Nest claiming she “had to go to office hours.” Sources say she was spotted shortly after slinking back to Kostka.
When called for comment, Wilson’s father, Michael, said his daughter “was a member of her high school’s student government, she knew she had what it took to be an amazing leader.”
Her mother, Kara (CSOM ’86) said “Maddie probably joined ELP as a way to fill the gaping void of insecurity and loneliness she felt going into college.”
But after only a few weeks of repeatedly hanging out with the same group of “really cool ELPers,” Wilson started to realize that her counterparts had begun to branch out. She proceeded to divulge that although the club was marketed as a way to make 20 best friends before school even started, the shine of being able to brag about it has started to wear off.
To make matters worse, the giant “welcome to ELP” sign on her door in Gonzaga 2 is now obscured by Wilson’s roommate’s whiteboard. “No matter how many times I move it, the board always ends up covering my sign,” she said through tears. “How will people know that I’m better than them?”
When asked to comment, Wilson’s roommate expressed her confusion as to where the ELPers were emerging from. “Does the leader emerge from them or do they emerge from the leader? All I know is that they don’t shut up about it.”
At press time, Wilson seen sending a “Who wants to get lunch?” message to her floor GroupMe.