Regular Old Tyrion Lannister Tries To Turn ‘Thrones’ Conversation Into Sex

MARY ANN’S — Still riding high after this week’s Game Of Thrones premiere, Lucas Johnson (CSOM ‘19) found himself unable to contain his excitement about the hit HBO fantasy series, as well as his rediscovered interest in discussing popular literature. Witnesses report watching with shock as Johnson, much in the spirit of his favorite characters, tried to leverage intelligent, bookish conversation into filthy, unprotected bathroom sex.

“Yeah, I’m really hyped for the new season, but I’m going to be more excited once The Winds of Winter comes out,” Johnson explained to Emily Fitzgerald (MCAS ‘19) at local tavern Mary Ann’s. “The timelines of all the characters are so brilliantly intertwined, just like you and I could be back at my sublet on Gerald.”

“Yeah, I think the dragons are really cool,” replied Fitzgerald. While Fitzgerald is known to be a casual fan of the show, Johnson reportedly misjudged exactly how interested she was in the mythical world of Westeros.

Johnson responded, saying “I read this theory on Reddit that said Jon will stab Daenerys with Lightbringer in order to become Azor Ahai.” He continued, “I’ve actually been thinking a lot about Jorah, in the books he doesn’t really have greyscale because this other guy, Jon Connington, who’s been escorting Aegon Targaryen around, gets greyscale instead, so I’m wondering if he’ll end up being cured and make it to the end. So, can we get out of here, or do you want to hear my thoughts about The Golden Company and the elephants?”

Witnesses report Fitzgerald replied, “no.”

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