Conte Forum Outsources Extra Space During Basketball Games To Chemistry Department
CONTE FORUM — Citing an extreme lack of ticket sales, the Boston College men’s basketball team has decided to outsource the extra space in Conte Forum during home games.
The move aims to provide the university with a solution to the classroom deficit caused by the imminent closing of Cushing Hall. Various science labs are set to meet in the upper deck during games for the remainder of the season.
The announcement comes after heated debate over what to do with the incredible amount of unused space during games. One option included using the seats as a study area, but test studies stated that students found the arena as “too quiet to get anything done.”
The men’s hockey team submitted a bid to use the space as a trophy room, but were dismissed as cocky douchebags.
Many student organizations, including the Pro-Life Club and Sexual Chocolate, bid on the use of the space, but it was finally decided that the area would be given to the Chemistry department in the hope that they would be able to figure out a way to recreate the incredible improvement of the Monstars in Space Jam. The timetable for such an event has not been finalized, but reports indicate that it will happen some time between now and the apocalypse. When asked about a realistic solution to the team’s mediocrity, Coach Christian answered simply, “Give it to Ky.”
The athletic department had hoped for higher attendance this basketball season after last year’s successful season and upset win over Duke. However, the loss of Jerome Robinson and the general apathy of the student body have kept the seats in Conte empty.
At press time, Martin Jarmond was seen ordering a set of 18 new crucifixes for the new classroom spaces.