Off-Campus Juniors Saved $183 In Heating Bill By Hosting Sweaty Parties

FOSTER STREET — After paying their most recent heating bill, the residents of 288 Foster St. have saved $183 this past December. Although Boston has been experiencing a winter with temperatures at record-breaking lows, the juniors maintained a comfortable, humid temperature in their home by hosting extremely sweaty parties on weekends.

“Once National Grid turned off our heat, we had to get creative with staying warm,” said Zack Frost (CSOM ’20) while microwaving his socks. “I remember when we threw our first party, it got so damn hot. It honestly felt like I was in a sauna or nestled on Satan’s taint. We figured that if we just kept throwing parties all the time, we could keep in the heat from the uncontrollably sweaty, drunk people. Sure, it’s pretty gross, but we saved a ton of money.”

Before settling on the “party method,” the friend group also experimented with other alternative heating methods. These strategies included leaving the oven on, putting themselves in the dryer “for a couple of seconds,” and even indulging in lighting candles — an unforgivable blacklisted item on the Boston College RA checklist.

At press time, Frost was seen stealing a cauldron of soup from the Rat.

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