Study Finds That 100% Of CoRo Residents Can “Sleep On My Couch Any Time”
WALSH HALL — Late Saturday night, Chris Naughton (CSOM ’21), of Walsh 705, learned that one of his close acquaintances and frequenters of his “lit” Walsh pre-games was a resident of Roncalli Hall on College Road.
Upon discovering this, Naughton expressed his pity and told Mike DiGiacomo (MCAS ’21) that he could, “like, totally sleep on my couch anytime, dude.” According to sources present, the rest of Mike’s eight-man crew made encouraging noises of assent.
This interaction echoes the results of the Office of Residential Life’s recent study on sophomore housing. After polling over 30 Walsh eight-man suites, the study found that any resident of College Road was always completely welcome on a crusty blue common room couch. This bedtime outcome was deemed preferable to the comfortable, two-inch-foam-mattress-pad-covered-bed waiting in their assigned housing on Upper Campus.
While DiGiacomo had expressed no interest in the aforementioned couch, the Office of Residential Life is encouraged by this display of magnanimity and said students are reporting 60% less guilt over the hellish scramble known as the “Sophomore Housing Process.”
At press time, DiGiacomo stated that the worst part about living on CoRo so far had been the pitying glances and hearty slaps on the back he received every time he divulged his dorm location.