Boston College Officially Named State School Of New Jersey

TRENTON, N.J. — Fulfilling a campaign promise to provide greater educational opportunities for the people of his state, New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy announced on Tuesday that Boston College would officially be recognized as a state school of New Jersey.

“It’s something that we’ve been mulling over for a long time, and I’m thrilled it’s finally coming to fruition,” said Murphy.

Citing the vast amount of New Jersey residents who attend the University, Murphy reminded reporters that setting the world aflame has long been a motto of the Jersey Shore. The goal of incorporating Boston College as a state school was nearly achieved under former Governor Chris Christie’s administration, but was put on hold when Christie attempted to shut down the Stokes Bridge.

Some students have worried that the sudden increase in students from New Jersey will result in the campus culture becoming increasingly loud, obnoxious, and unjustifiably conceited.

“Are you fuckin’ kidding me? Jersey and Jesuits go together like toll roads and traffic,” said one student from Central Jersey. “I’m proud to say that BC is finally in the same league as Rutgers, TCNJ, and Rutgers-Newark.”

At press time, top BC Dining administrators had called an emergency meeting to decide whether pork roll or Taylor ham should be added to dining hall menus in order to best accommodate for the impending influx of Garden State students.

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