IGNACIO HALL — Since yesterday morning, reports have been pouring in that Christina Lavarme (LSOE ‘18) is still waiting for her direct roommate Christina Greene (MCAS ‘18) to buy more shampoo. This lack of shampoo comes at a particularly tumultuous time, given that the Iggy B68 roommates have been out of shampoo for over three days.
Sources have indicated that she usually buys the really nice stuff that has lavender and rose extract in it. The flowery fragrance always catches the attention of Greg Mortenson (CSOM ‘18) in Integrated Business and Media Marketing Strategies.
“Seriously, Christina needs to get off her lazy ass and go to Wegman’s,” commented Lavarme. “My hair is starting to get really greasy, and I don’t have time to go to the store myself. I have way too much to do with finals coming up.
Reports indicate that Greene’s parents basically pay for everything. Lavarme has convinced herself that she “shouldn’t feel that bad about using her shampoo sometimes” and “Christina definitely didn’t even notice.”
Lavarme’s friends from home have suggested that the best strategy to resolve this issue is to make passive-aggressive comments when she comes home tonight.
At press time, Lavarme caught another one of her roommates stealing her hummus out of the refrigerator. What the fuck, Mary?