STOKES NORTH — Classmates of Todd Cummings (MCAS ‘21) were incredibly disappointed Thursday after his introductory “fun fact” in their First Year Writing Seminar turned out to be really not that fun. The professor’s innocent attempt to get to know her students’ names and interests quickly devolved once it was Cummings’ turn to speak.
“My name is Todd, I’m an Econ major from Weston, Massachusetts, and… umm… wow, I’m like so bad at this,” stammered Cummings, while picking at some lint on his pants. “Well, I guess a fun fact about me is that I have 8 to 10 violent and uncontrollable orgasms a day,” revealed Cummings, as he smiled and made eye contact with his new friends.
Cummings was quick to assure the class that he does ejaculate each time.
“It was honestly a huge let down,” said fellow freshman Sarah Kenney, “The girl before him went skydiving this summer. That’s fucking sick! Way more fun than that dude’s incessant nutting.”
At press time, Cummings was seen in the back of his Micro class in Devlin 008, face contorted, body writhing with pleasure.