Plex Bro Takes Good Look Around Before Set to Make Sure People Are Watching
FLYNN RECREATION COMPLEX — Standing in front of the cable machine while mentally preparing himself for another set of triceps exercises, frequent Plex-goer Rob Schlossman (CSOM ‘19) checked his surroundings to ensure that someone would be watching him work out. Unable to find anyone at first, the sophomore eventually established brief eye contact with another warm body, a fleeting interaction that, nonetheless, gave him the strength to go on and have a “killer set.”
“I always pick the machines closest to the open area when it comes to doing tris, because that way the girls can see the show,” Schlossman explained. “I just want people to enjoy the fine work of artistry in motion that is my upper body.”
The former varsity soccer captain elaborated on the concept, stating that although his physical form can be ogled and objectified at many points throughout the day, it is only during intense lifting sessions that his body can be appreciated “in its full, testosterone-fueled glory.”
Many exercising Eagles have indeed noticed Schlossman’s hard work at the Plex over the past few months. “Dude, he was looking pretty vascular,” said fellow fitness fanatic Kyle Dolan (MCAS ‘19), taking a pause between push-up grunts.
Once a close friend of the showy gym aficionado, Dolan described Schlossman’s workouts as “visually impressive” but “not very time-efficient,” elaborating that a typical visit to the gym using this method may last anywhere between two and three hours. The duo used to work out together on a daily basis, but Dolan has since split from his image-obsessed partner after tiring of being forced to regularly apply fine oils and lotions to Schlossman’s hot, sweaty gym body.
Although Schlossman has struggled with acquiring gym admirers in the past, the perennial middle child has devised a number of effective ways to draw attention to himself. His favorite strategy involves wearing a sweatshirt during his workout, before then taking it off to reveal a sweat-drenched cutoff t-shirt. This is unquestionably a sexually attractive look for Schlossman, a fact he is not oblivious to.
Discussing the strategy, the calculating showboater explained that “the bulky overgarment covers up the tone of the upper body, which is my strong suit.” However, once the sweatshirt comes off, “the goods are on display.”
At press time, Schlossman had just made eye contact with a sophomore doing kettlebell squats, thus embarking on some serious press time of his own.