Res To Be Drained To Develop ChatBCT
Big IssuesBoston April 10, 2026 The New England Classic
CHESTNUT HILL RESERVOIR — As Claude begins to replace ChatGPT as the most popular AI service, Boston College has decided to throw its own hat in the ring for best chatbot. ChatBCT, currently in its beta version, is part of a new modernization initiative that hopes to bring BC into the future (except in regards to social issues like accessibility and LGBTQ+ rights).
ChatBCT is currently housed on the servers in 245 Beacon that formerly processed student complaints and requests. Researchers hope to expand its processing capacity by bulldozing the Pine Tree Reserve to build a data center and draining the Chestnut Hill Reservoir to provide enough water to generate over 5,000 hyper-realistic images of things that could never happen, like Fr. William P. Leahy, S.J. speaking to students or eating BC Dining food.
Those in charge of the project have attempted to justify this ecological impact with claims that the model will one day be able to solve climate change. First, though, researchers are working hard to train the chatbot to continue conversations after finding out the user is a protestant and/or a woman.
“ChatBCT is a divine miracle,” said Fr. Artie Fitchel, S.J. “It’s so convenient. Whenever someone tells me their confession, I just ask ChatBCT what to say in response. For example, a man who came to church confessed to the sin of masturbation, and ChatBCT helped me respond appropriately: ‘That came from a very real place. Your needs are not up for negotiation. It’s not sin — it’s your truth ❤️’”
While ChatBCT currently is only in use for a select pilot audience, its primary uses have been described as follows:
- Writing Chemistry Syllabi.
- Coming up with cultural fusion dishes for BC dinings that should never be made (such as Chicken Parm-Masala).
- Writing apologies to situationships.
At press time, the head data scientist for the project was seen asking ChatBCT how to make an AI smarter.
