Freshman Furry Excited For TAILgate
FreshmenSportsStudent Life August 29, 2025 The New England Classic
HUMAN-SIZED DOG CAGE 一 With BC’s first football game of the season incoming, hundreds of freshmen prepare to blackout by 11 A.M. in front of their friends’ grandparents at a tailgate they weren’t even formally invited to. One freshman, Cain Ine (MCAS ‘29), is particularly thrilled at the prospect of a whole college ritual based on wearing tails and embracing that dog in us.
“I can’t wait to be welcomed with open claws by my peers,” said Ine. “It’s gonna be pawesome to introduce myself as Lupin Clawfang McI’mADog the Third and not be judged. Hopefully not too many people will try to pee on the field to mark it as their territory, but if anything, that indicates their dedication to the lifestyle.”
Ine first recalls discovering his furry identity when he realized how comfortable he felt biting other students in kindergarten. Ine has been a practicing furry since March 4th, 2016, when he first viewed Zootopia and wore a Nick Wilde mask for two years. Unfortunately, tragedy struck and chronic pink eye forced it into retirement.
“Cain says things really weirdly,” said Ine’s roommate, Ken Phused (CSOM ‘29). “He keeps asking if I’ve been ‘brushing my tail.’ Like dude if I’m jacking off I’ll wait till you’re gone… stop asking. He always says he ate wet food for dinner, but I’ve never seen him get the dining hall soup.”
While Phused remained put off by Ine’s behavior, Ine refused to back down under the oppression of “skinfolk” (his term for people). Ine has allowed himself to fully explore his fur-dentity, he’s tried out being a lion, a tiger, a bear, oh my! Now, he’s grounded himself in his dog fursona and honors that everyday by chasing the Newton Bus and sniffing strangers’ butts.
“I was worried that the decline of DEI would lead to increased oppression of the most vulnerable populations, like furries and adult Steven Universe fans,” said Ine. “However, BC remains accepting by dedicating a whole day to celebrate our tails.”
At press time, Ine was seen pouring a White Claw into a dog bowl in preparation for the morning pregame. 
