14 Things YOUR (Yes YOUR) Stupid Ass Did While Blacked Out This Halloweekend

WHEREVER YOU LIVE — Us here at the Classic want to be the first to welcome you all back from hopefully a fun and memorable Boston College Halloween weekend. We also know better than anyone how awful the hangxiety can be after such a weekend chock-full of booze, tomfoolery, and maybe just a little bit of horniness. Did I say something to my friends that I shouldn’t have? Did I get a little too silly and text my ex again? We’re here to put some of these stressful questions to bed. It’s so much worse. You really fucked up. Here’s just some of what you got up to these last few days:

1. Called in a false bomb threat at Loretta’s Last Call
2. Reached for the officer’s service weapon
3. Shat yourself
4. Sent your TA an email professing your love for them 
5. Put anthrax in the lower sticky rice 
6. Shat yourself a second time
7. Did meth
8. Peeked into off-campus houses to see if anyone was home
9. Put on a mask and broke into several off-campus houses
10. Stole weed from off-campus houses
11. Ran away from cops in the off-campus area
12. Jumped into the water fountain outside Gasson Hall
13.  Realized said water fountain is now empty… ouch
14.  Oh yeah, called your ex

At press time, students have reportedly witnessed FBI personnel descending the sides of YOUR dorm building.

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