SOMEWHERE IN THE FRONTAL CORTEX, PROBABLY — I think he means the grey matter.
There’s lots of gray matter, that wouldn’t actually be very helpful. We are gray matter, but more specifically we’re in the frontal cortex. Probably.
Sorry did you say gray matter? No no no you mean grey matter.
What? I mean does it really make a difference? Why do you always have to be such an asshole about this? Can’t we just–oh Christ there’s that pyromaniac, quick hide the– aaaand too late.
Well. I guess we’re græy matter now.
You see what I did there? That æ is the letter “ash,” originally a ligature representing the Latin diphthong ae. Because it’s implied that the pyromaniac set fire to the words grey and gray.
Right, no I got it. But nobody will find that funny because it’s terrible.
Yeah, how about you make something funny then, Jesus. All you ever do is take some idea you heard from someone else and then pass it along down the chain claiming it as your own.
Okay how many times do I have to tell you that– holy fuck its him.
It’s the neuron that came up with Bill Fuckler. He’s the whole reason we got this gig in the first place. He’s like… he’s like Jesus Christ meets Prince meets Prince Philip (human bastard and first round draft pick, Pro Violence) meets Phill Lewis (post Mr. Mosby and vehicular manslaughter, of course) of comedy.
Hey, Mr. Fuckler, can I ask you something?
Sure kid, fire away (<- a joke a neuron would make).
How the hell do you do this? I don’t just mean how do you be funny, or whatever, but how am I supposed to keep it together when I feel like shit and all my ideas fall flat and I haven’t done laundry in a month, and it’s all made worse because the vending machine is perpetually out of exactly the brand of chips I want at that specific moment? How do you talk to people without being weird or awkward? Or make new friends, not just acquaintances but meaningful connections? I keep meeting people I like, but I don’t know how to actually move past just being “school friends,” you know, the people you say hi to in the hallway or something and never hang out with ever. I feel deeply unfulfilled, and often lonely.
Jesus Christ man, I’m a neuron with a beefy myelin sheath, not the Dalai Lama. Look, at least when it comes to comedy, you’ll have a lot of misses. Sometimes you’ll agree with misses, sometimes they’ll feel like you’ve been cheated. When I was first getting started, I had a lot of really great material about powdered milk, like “Oh my gosh all our milk is powdered, we’ve been tricked!”, and everyone else just thought it sucked eggs so I had to toss it. You have to learn to move on. Do I still dream about what those powdered milk jokes could have been? Sure, but you can’t let it ruin your day.
Wow. Thanks. I guess I need to learn to let go.
Well wait a minute, I didn’t say that. I said move on. Never, ever let go. Make life rip whatever it can from our clenched fists, but keep as much of you as you can. Believe me, life will take more than enough. So don’t let those losses consume you, but don’t think that making some melodramatic sacrifice of yourself is noble. It’s just sad and misled.
As for all that garbage about other people, and relationships? The truth is you just have to keep trying. We will probably never reach people. If we are lucky we can tickle a few brains, touch a few hearts with a whisper of the wind that our words create. But it is fleeting and disappointing compared to the dramas we create in our minds of what it means to create something meaningful. You’re interested in being friends with people? Reach out first. Be scared, but brave. Say how you feel, when you can. But don’t forget how little you are. Your feelings, your desires, they don’t mean that much to other people. Remember that, and remember that others feel just like you. You aren’t special, but thinking that matters is really sad and totally reductive. It is good to have empathy. Your heart beats more fully for it. Everyone wants the same stuff: we’re just trying to be understood, and to understand others, to love and be loved, to know and be known. Everyone I know who is smart in any way is also kind of lonely. No matter how close you get to someone, you will never know what it is like to be trapped in their bones, in their brain. Likewise, no one can reach into your box of being either. That’s okay. Sometimes it is painful but it is okay. If you put in real effort, you can get close enough. Be ready for rejections, or fallings out, and sadness. There are small joys and bitternesses to both being alone and being with others. Not everyone is going to care, or be interested in you. That’s okay. Learn not to push, people won’t always be receptive to you and that’s okay.. You won’t always care either. Sometimes you will not just be apathetic but angry. You will feel like absolute shit, and lash out, and be angry for no reason, and hurt others just like you’ve been hurt. If, in one of these inevitable spells of feeling like shit, and being lonely, you have the desire to blow your brains out, don’t. You’d be surprised how far inertia can carry you. The strange thing no one tells you is if you just keep moving, and going to sleep and not killing yourself and waking up you’ll live way longer than you ever initially thought you would. You’ll actually make it out of the sad stuff and back into the reasonably content, eventually, and the cycle will continue. Try to say yes to things. Magic happens when you let go of your own worries and jump into things that way, especially if you’re a little nervous. You get to feel alive instead of sitting in your room staring at the wall. That’s all I can really offer. It’s not much. You’ll have to do the heavy lifting for yourself. Good luck.