CLEVELAND CIRCLE — Infamous Brighton bar Mary Ann’s, which was sold by its longtime owners in 2018, is set reopen as Mary Jane’s in the spring of 2019. “MJ’s” would be the first marijauna dispensary in the immediate Thomas Edison K-8th school district.
Local business owners have strongly opposed the sale, including another local legend, Pino’s Pizza. Despite studies indicating a strong correlation between marijuana use and pizza consumption, the long-time owner of Pino’s fears the stigma surrounding the new dispensary could harm his business, a sentiment shared by many other local proprietors.
The Boston College Administration has also expressed concerns, fearing that the decision would have harmful consequences on the school and its reputation. University President William P. Leahy was quick as ever to comment.
“We pay a premium for our grass, and we pay dozens of employees to roll it up each spring. This new ‘Mary Jane’ joint could see our grass slide to second preference in the area, and I won’t have that.”
The response among students has been mixed. Ben Tokin (CSOM ‘19) lamented the loss of his favorite watering hole.
“Yeah, dude, that was the spot. I could hang out with my bros, get hosed with my bros, watch the game with my bros, or even puke on the sidewalk with my bros. Plus, it’s got a lot of sentimental value. My dad did all the same stuff there, like, 30 years ago.”
It is a disgrace, according to Tokin, that the only bar in the entire city of Boston is being replaced by another dispensary, and that harmless alcoholic drinks are being replaced by a dangerous, illegal substance.
Newton RA Lilly Cushmore is more optimistic. She commented “This will be a really good addition to the community. Cannabis is natural, safe, and legal. Everyone knows that it can be used to treat a variety of illnesses, or even to alleviate pain or anxiety. For me personally, there’s nothing I love more than packing a fat fucking bowl and watching Planet Earth 2 when I’m off duty.”
At press time, Boston College Athletics Director Martin Jarmond was seen speaking with the new owners, asking how he might get a selling license for Alumni Stadium.