Odd-numbered Friend Group Struggles to Complete 8-man
As the housing lottery quickly approaches, the anxiety of freshmen across campus has spiked. Freshmen have the option of several housing arrangements on Lower Campus, namely the coveted 8-mans of Vanderslice Hall, 90 St. Thomas More, and Walsh Hall. These palaces of debauchery and sweat represent the epitome of BC Housing, and are far superior than the exiled location of CoRo doubles, triples, and quads, which are essentially a return to freshman housing. With their prime locations, eight-man suites give maximum proximity to the Plex (to work on your hot bod, of course) and all of the coolest “parties” on campus.
Doe-eyed Anne, Maggie, Paige, Isa, and Kylie of Gonzaga 5 have been planning their eight-man “since, like, the first week of first semester.” They even created an application system to fill their remaining three spots in their eight-man lineup to determine “who brings what to the table.”
Anne obviously brings the tasty Rubinoff. Maggie brings the American flag to hang up in the common room for those sexy, yet classy, patriotic cover photos. Paige brings the personality that everyone learns to adore, and the personality crises everyone learns to hate. Isa literally brings cheese to the table. Kylie doesn’t bring much, but they “like her anyways.” One applicant, freshman Katie Meyer, claimed she would bring plenty of Bud Light Platinum™ to the table, so she was pretty much a shoe-in for a spot.
Aside from Meyer, the girls have received, “like,” nine applications from other prospective BC girls. But in a shocking turn of events, Anne texted Maggie who texted Paige who texted Katie that she was being kicked out because she failed to actually provide the Bud Light Platinum™. With too many qualified applicants, the girls couldn’t make a decision on the remaining nine, leaving them as an odd-numbered group once again. Defeated, Anne commented, “Oh my God, I can’t even!”