LEAKED! Ten Things BC Also Spends The Least On Besides Football
Big IssuesButlerLists September 23, 2026 The New England Classic
ALUMNI STADIUM — After the New York Times‘ recent report placed Boston College Football at the bottom of the spending leaderboard–not only for the ACC, but for all Power Four conferences–students, fans, and faculty wondered how the university would respond.
After tense deliberations across all factions of the school, Father Jack Butler has decided to release a comprehensive spending report to “counteract the initial shock of the Times‘ blasphemous article.” Butler has kindly provided The New England Classic with an exclusive first-look at the report, to be released publicly during the intermission of Pops on the Heights.
Things Boston College also spends the least on in the ACC:
- LGBTQ+ Center.
- Toilet paper ply.
- Free speech.
- Women’s sports.
- Upper stairs ice removal.
- Handicap ramps and elevator upkeep.
- Sexual health resources.
- Career center employees with kindness in their hearts.
- Shuttle driver training.
- Plastic utensil dispensers.
Things Boston College (intelligently) spends the most on in the ACC:
- Pantone color-matched tulips for random lawns.
- Espresso Your Faith Week banner (now 10x larger than previous years).
- Lobster rolls in the Rat. Plus lobster costumes for the lobster roll chefs.
- Sparkling water from the Swiss Alps for Hugh Jackman and friends.
- Crayons and glue for CSOM play time.
- Premium subscription on the Calm app for the men’s hockey team.
- Dangerous and deadly arachnid petting zoo for Men’s Mental Health Week.
- BC bookstore push notifications and guerrilla marketing.
- Balloon arches for CAB members’ half-birthday parties.
- Charlie cards for altruistic PULSE students who skip the fare anyway (marxists).
