Student With Banking Return Offer Brags About Not Studying Anymore

DEVLIN HALL — As academic crunch time continues and that second wave of midterms peeps its ugly head, us here at The New England Classic want to wish you luck as you contemplate taking that withdrawal W on the transcript or switching your major for the fourth time. Some students, however, are not feeling the heat of this stressful period as much.

“I got my return offer back in September, so it’s been a pretty chill year,” said Jay Peemorgan (CSOM ‘26). “So I just decided to pack U.S. Foreign Policy II and rip it pass/fail. If I show up and just use common sense, I think I can clutch up a calm 70.” 

Though Peemorgan’s post-graduate schedule will involve mergers and acquisitions in New York, he felt there was no better way to cap off his holistic Boston College experience than to enroll in a 4000-level history elective for “shits and gigs.” 

Peemorgan was quoted as saying, “I mean, my dad just bought another house in Monaco, so I figured a foreign studies class would be kinda sick.”

This semester, Peemorgan’s attendance has seen record high numbers, he “shows face” about once a week for fifty minutes. The other two days a week are dedicated to “group placement networking and huckin cube.”

“My dad says as long as my GPA stays above a 2.2, I get to keep my offer, which has definitely been a struggle. My advisor capped how many classes I could pass/fail, and Introductory Sociology is lowkey beating my ass.” Peemorgan explained. 

At press time, Peemorgan could be seen writing “foreign policy is policy that’s far as shit” for the first exam free response question.

More Hot Single Sandwiches NEAR YOU:

Pre-Med Student Password Protects Her Quizlets Psych Major Drops Out: “I’m Tired Of This Neuroscience B.S.” Five Things To Talk About Now That The Election Is Over, And They’re All The Rat Line CSOM Announces New “Pay-For-Grade” Initiative