Mar-a-Lago Named Top Spring Break Destination For BC Republicans
Big IssuesHolidaysStudent Life March 1, 2026 The New England Classic
MAR-A-LAGO — After midterms, Boston College students head off to a variety of destinations. As some students go on service trips to feel like a good person, the majority of BC Republicans head out for a pilgrimage to Trump’s fiefdom: Mar-a-Lago.
“Daddy T is gonna give us a hell of a week,” said Glay Zer (CSOM ‘27). “Every day we get to do push-up competitions with RFK Jr., and if we beat him, he has to take a shot of seed oil. There’s gonna be a Mike Pence piñata. I hear the Men’s Hockey team is going to be there as well. It’s exciting. I just get so giddy—I mean, full of masculine honor—when I get to see the best of the best.”
The Mar-a-Lago resort offers a number of amenities for BC Republicans to enjoy. There are spray tan booths, Ketamine vending machines, and a paper-mache station where you are highly encouraged to “repurpose” old documents as fast as possible.
The resort even allows guests to leave a permanent mark on the estate, as guests can choose to gold-spray paint any decoration on the property.
Most BC Republicans plan to perhaps consider thinking about possibly maybe potentially attending Sunday mass on the estate, which will include readings from the “God Bless the U.S.A” Bible. This includes readings from the Book of Vance, which includes lines like Vance 18:22 “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s couch.”
At press time, Zer was overheard saying, “Honestly, the greatest spring break—maybe ever. People are saying they’ve never seen anything like it. Tremendous energy. Incredible vibes. Sleepy Joe? Couldn’t handle it. Kamala? No chance, no chance. They don’t know how to have this kind of fun. Nobody does spring break like we do. Nobody.”
