Green Line Self Destructs After Being Forced To Go To Boston College Once Again

GREEN LINE BOSTON COLLEGE STOP — In what MBTA officials are calling “an act of God,” the Green Line spontaneously combusted Sunday night immediately upon reaching the Boston College stop. Witnesses say the train, carrying just three passengers (all of which are reluctant Boston College students sporting Harvard merchandise), emitted a long sigh before bursting into flames, an event being described by witnesses as “completely and utterly understandable.”

Reports indicate the Green Line had been showing signs of burnout for months. It released its first audible sigh when Boston College football lost to Michigan State on September 6th, and has released more frightening groans and huffs each Saturday since.

Students seem largely unfazed by the explosion — which caused sparks to fly awfully close to many beloved spots, including but not limited to St. Ignatius Church, 2150 Apartments, and other surrounding businesses on Comm Ave.

“Honestly, good for it,” said Jack Daniel (CSOM ‘27), referring to the fallen soldier. “I’m just glad it didn’t blow up Crazy Dough.”

The MBTA released a brief statement following the incident: 

“We are saddened by the Green Line’s decision to self-destruct, but we respect its choice. We would like to emphasize that the train made this decision under its own free will. We all reached a breaking point, and for the Green line, that point was Chestnut Hill.”

At this time, the Boston College administration has declined to comment on the event, but a representative has assured the Classic that the University will be issuing thoughts, prayers, and a further tuition increase.

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