Male Feminist Really Wants To Fu-Focus On BC WLAX
SexSports April 4, 2025 The New England Classic
CITYSIDE — After the hockey team’s unfortunate loss to Denver University, many students were very upset by BC sports teams continuing to fail us over and over again. Throughout the school year, students start with believing we are suchhhh a football school after two wins in a row. Then, we are naturally let down by football and are suddenly March Madness and Frozen Four bound. If you have learned anything from your time with BC sports, it is to never have too much confidence… unless it’s for the women’s lacrosse team.
It’s the time of the year when everyone puts all their love for BC sports into one final basket: the women’s lacrosse team. Within this crowd of students who are making a full switch from supporting hockey to lacrosse, is one lonely guy who really just wants to fuck: Matt Riarchy (CSOM ‘26).
Members of the Classic spoke with Riarchy’s friend, Ash Amed (MCAS ‘26), who told us, “The dude has zero interest in watching lacrosse but he heard some people mention them and decided to hop on the lacrosse train. He just expresses his newfound love a little louder than everyone else, I think this may be his new move to get girls.”
Riarchy was overheard talking at a very uninterested girl in Cityside after the hockey team lost. He said, “I’ve been saying the hockey team is dogshit, I don’t know why everyone hypes them up so much. I just really think we should fu- sorry I mean FOCUS on the women’s lacrosse team.”
When asked his thoughts on the women’s lacrosse team, he had many wise words to share, “Uhhh I mean like, well, no so like I don’t know much about them. But uhhh… it’s fucking sick that they do what they do. I really respect that.” Riarchy could not clarify what he meant by “what they do” or what he “really respects”.
At press time, Riarchy was found asking any girl in sight if they want to watch the lacrosse game in his room later.
