BC Rewards Quarantined Students With Yard Time
Coronavirus February 3, 2022 The New England Classic
Pine Manor — As Boston College battles a surge of positive Covid cases due to the Omicron variant, a record number of students have found themselves locked away at Pine Manor for isolation. The university has been generous enough to give each student imprisoned within the former college’s walls time outside each day to get “a breath of fresh air” and “relax.”
However, reports from inside of Pine Manor tell a much different story. Current inmate Shawn Shank (CSOM ’23) described their outdoors time as “terrifying, violent, and treacherous.”
According to Shank, the students have naturally separated themselves into different cliques and have established dominance over different parts of the yard. The CSOM students have gained control over a set of rusty old gym equipment. Lynch students have been too frightened to go outside and instead preside over the library and crafts center. The students of MCAS dominate the chess tables, and the nurses of CSON tend to those who have been shivved in the yard.
There are additional reports that a bartering system has emerged during the students’ yard time. “I was walking around the yard, just kicking a pebble around, when someone approached me and told me they could get me anything I wanted,” said Al Catraz (MCAS ’24) “He said he could get me three packs of Zyns in exchange for one bottle of Pruno.”
The Classic got a hold of Ellis “Red” Redding (LSOE ’21), known around the yard as “the guy who can get you things.” When asked about his business, he said, “It’s mainly based on up-charging the underclassman for Pruno. They will pay almost anything to get drunk. I charged some chump three packs of Zyns for Pruno yesterday.” Redding went on to share that there was one simple key to surviving the Pine Manor Correctional Facility: “Get busy living, or get busy dying.”
At press time, a team of upperclassmen were seen brewing Pruno in the toilets of the communal bathroom.
