Campus Ministry Begins Individually Plastic-Wrapping Communion Wafers
McELROY COMMONS — The Office of Campus Ministry announced Tuesday morning that effective immediately all eucharistic wafers will be individually wrapped in saran wrap.
The statement was communicated to the Boston College community in an email which also included the phrase “care for the whole person” 17 times.
“Due to the risk of COVID-19 virus, we have decided that the most prudent course of action is for mass attendees to receive the most holy Body of Christ wrapped in Glad plastic wrap,” the message said.
Additionally, rather than allowing parishioners to drink directly from the Chalice of Salvation, Campus Ministry has stated that the Precious ✠ Blood of Christ will be distributed as individual servings in modified ketchup packets.
Many students are upset with the measure, citing the obstacles that it will put in the way of gaining eternal life.
“First they come after our bananas in Lower, then they start making it so you can’t serve your own rice, and now this,” said sophomore Monica Dethwhysh. “By the time it takes me to take apart all the wrapping, I’ll probably have the virus. That’s how it works, I think.”
Devout students are particularly disgruntled that they will indefinitely be unable to receive the host directly onto their tongues, even though that has not been a requirement since before the Second Vatican Council nearly sixty years ago.
Other students were more supportive of the decision, although almost all of those in favor of using plastic wrap self-identified as either apostates or Satanists.
At press time, faculty in the theology department were holding an emergency meeting to determine whether the plastic wrap should be doused in holy water, chrism oil, or both before being put into use.