LTE: Kaylee Brought Her Shitty New Boyfriend To Friendsgiving And He Sucks

After a long three months, I finally got a break to rest up at home before finals. It’s time to kick back, relax, and, apparently, listen to Kaylee’s shitty boyfriend talk about his dumbass idea for a startup. 

“They’ve only been dating for a month,” my friend Hannah told me as I prepped the mashed potatoes for our yearly Friendsgiving with her in the kitchen, “and he lives far away so I guess he’s spending Thanksgiving with her. I would’ve felt bad not inviting him too, you know?” 

He immediately mispronounced my name when I met him and he’s interrupted everyone about five times and oh my God is he chewing with his mouth open now? I’m going to have to tag him in my Instagram story later, and he’s going to be right in the corner with his big dumb smile and his arm around Kaylee’s shoulder but his hand just way too close to her boob. 

“He’s so funny,” Kaylee claimed earlier, while she poured us wine, likely trying to get us drunk because some small part of her knew that was the only way we would be able to tolerate her horrible new boyfriend. “AND he’s honestly one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. He listens to all these super informational podcasts, but for fun, isn’t that crazy? He just loves learning.” 

When I finally succumbed to a turkey coma, he was explaining the meaning behind my favorite Beatles song, leaning so close I could smell his breath and see the pieces of bread stuck to his disgusting mustache.

Rachael is a junior in the Carroll School of Management. She and Kaylee have been friends since they were twelve.

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