Tornado Slams Into Carney, Causes $10 Million Worth Of Improvements
CARNEY HALL – This year’s unseasonable weather took another unexpected turn on Saturday as a tornado touched down on campus, curiously targeting only Carney Hall. However, the value of the land actually increased despite the fact that the entire structure was destroyed.
This orphanage of arts and sciences bastard children is infamous within the school’s populace for its aberrant architecture. Referred to as “The Institution” for its uncanny resemblance to a mental hospital, it is beloved by many for its prison-like windows, urinals that stick uncomfortably far out, and working lights in roughly 40% of its hallowed halls. Carney has been due for a renovation for quite some time, and it appears as though this tornado delivered.
“Everything was just, like, BAM!” said Elliot Spencer (MCAS ‘23), an onlooker at the time of the incident. “One minute it was there, box shape and everything, and then it wasn’t.”
The tornado destroyed the building and nothing new has been built in its wake. Interestingly, Main Campus’ latest Zestimate reflects a $9.8 million increase in property value after the incident.
At press time, University officials were seen trying to summon a tornado to take out O’Neill next.