Inspired By Success Of Indiana’s “Fernando,” BC Recruits New Quarterback “Chiquitita”
SportsWTF January 21, 2026 The New England Classic
ALUMNI STADIUM — After the Indiana Hoosiers historic win in the College Football Playoff Championship game, led by glorious Catholic prince Fernando Mendoza, music business conglomerates across the nation noticed an interesting trend in listening demographics, specifically regarding the ABBA song “Fernando.” Not only had listenership reached an all time high since the release of the song in 1976, but the percentage of middle-aged male streams was unprecedentedly high.
Ever the man of the people, Boston College football’s very own patriarch, Bill O’Brien, has accordingly taken to the music of ABBA to cope with his sorrow and find a spark of inspiration. When considering options for the Eagles ABBA theme song, O’Brien considered many options, including but not limited to “I Have a Dream,” “SOS,” and “I Still Have Faith in You.”
After careful deliberation and council from The Heightsmen and the team’s recruiting coordinators, the announcement was made that the Eagles would be welcoming quarterback transfer Chiquitita (no last name could be procured at press time). Chiquitita is a 27 year old redshirt freshman from Mamma Mia Catholic Conservatory, and is currently majoring in musical theater.
O’Brien promises that although Chiquitita has a less than illustrious record when it comes to on field prowess, he “really sparkles on stage, and has the kind of jazz and fervor we have been missing as a program.” The well loved tradition of playing Mr. Brightside two minutes before half-time will now be replaced with the playing of the song Chiquitita.
Additionally, it should be noted that with the entire transfer budget spent on Chiquitita, the rest of the spots left empty from the transfer portal entries will be filled with members of the women’s rugby team. 
