The New England Classic
Pick Me Apple Loves Your Hobbies

Pick Me Apple Loves Your Hobbies

Student Life October 8, 2021 The New England Classic

“I thought it was pretty suspicious that she liked all the music I like. Seeing as apples don’t even have ears, I didn’t think... Pick Me Apple Loves Your Hobbies

HONEY POT HILL — Students journeyed to Honey Pot Hill Orchards to mark the start of the autumnal season. While many CAB events don’t seem to capture the apple of your eye, Grant Smith (CSOM ’23) was sure enjoying the fruits of his labor until he stumbled upon one juicy, scrumptious apple, who just so happened to have a lot in common with Smith. 

“I don’t know, man. She just started copying what I was doing. I was seeing some major red flags right away,” said Smith. 

Many students had questioned why the apple in question was the only one left on its tree. The tree had been picked clean, wiped out, completely used up, donezo, finished, emptied, vacated, no sign of life whatsoever and yet one apple remained.

Smith continued, “I thought it was pretty suspicious that she liked all the music I like. Seeing as apples don’t even have ears, I didn’t think that it was possible to like modern country-metal with as much passion as I do.”

Fellow apple-pickers tried to put the horrendously awkward and desperate display behind them, yet as with any CAB event, all it achieved was making everyone just a little sad. 

“All of a sudden, she said she wanted to go apple picking too,” said Mac Tosh (MCAS ’24) who overheard the two conversing. “I wouldn’t have even considered picking her off that barren tree with her acting like Jeffrey Dah-pear over there.” 

At press time, the apple was seen hanging with Smith because it’s just less drama.