Harvard Reject In Honors Program Not Bitter About It Anymore, Alright?
MEDEIROS C — Venturing out from her achievement-laden dorm room, freshman Sammy Laude (MCAS ‘20) announced today that she has finally gotten over her rejection from Harvard University. An alumna of an elite New England preparatory school, the Lexington, MA native explained that she had been quietly struggling with feelings of inadequacy after getting rejected from Harvard last spring.
“Sure, it was hard at first,” Laude admitted. “I mean, Harvard is a pretty good school. My mom went there. So did my dad. And my brother goes there now. Man, fuck you, Craig. But it’s fine, I’m in Honors now. Yeah, the Morrissey College of Arts and Sciences Honors Program. It’s like, one of the oldest honors programs in the country. Probably older than Harvard. Definitely older than Craig.”
Laude went on to describe the advantages of being in Honors, such as the unnerving closeness of Medeiros residents, the mandatory introductory class that force-feeds students ancient Greek and Bible passages, and most importantly, the small distinguishing mark that she will receive on her diploma.
The self-described “poli-sci and econ, but also maybe pre-med” major was also quick to add that none of those perks can compare to the validation she gets from casually slipping her Honors status into any conversation. “It’s a way I can let people know I’m smarter than them without having to use big words and pretending to know what they mean. After all, Honors only has two syllables, it rolls right off the tongue.”
But does being in Honors make up for Laude’s Harvard rejection? “Oh, absolutely. As I tell my family all the time, MCAS Honors is distinguished, competitive, and quite prestigious. Basically an Ivy education, if not better,” Laude reported. “There’s really no place I’d rather be. Well, actually, can we keep that off the record? I’m still waiting to hear back about the status of my transfer app.”
At press time, Laude was seen sobbing into the sleeve of her favorite Harvard sweatshirt after learning about the updated status of her transfer application.