BREAKING: Erewhon Installed In Eagles Nest Post-Gentrification

EAGLES NEST — As students have come back to campus, they have begun to notice a big change to their once beloved stain-covered panini palace. BC seemingly injected Botox into the Nest, in an effort to charge $3.50 more on each item of food. This gentrification has now attracted the likes of small businesses like Erewhon, a family-owned smoothie shop based in L.A. 

Despite not passing the fire safety test, Eagles Nest is still offering alternatives to students, like $16 smoothies. Now, students will be faced with the tough decision of whether to get their rich dose of daily antioxidants or donate to APPA to support the community. 

Truss T. Fund (MCAS ‘28) has never been more excited to have a slice of home close to her after moving across the country. “I used to go there every day back home for my morning Bieber smoothie. It would always look so aesthetic on my Insta story post with my dad’s gold Amex. The colors just looked so good together.”

The number of white, blonde girls has increased greatly since the opening of Erewhon, says BC Dining staff members. Now, the gym bros eating the buff-chick wraps to “bulk” are being challenged by this new demographic of Erewhon girls to see who can run out of dining bucks faster.

The gentrification has changed BC’s dining hall patrons from being 90% to 95% white. Tour guides are now being instructed to avoid walking into Eagle’s Nest during prospective student tours.

With the massive success of the Erewhon installation, the BC faculty is excited for what’s next.

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