The New England Classic
Catholic Priests Added to Endangered Species List
GLAND, SWITZERLAND — The International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) announced today that the Roman Catholic Priest (Romanos Catholicus sacerdos) has been added to the group’s list of endangered species. The organization cited lack of faith, startups, and sexual intercourse as the three chief causes for the rapid... Read more
After Raising $1.5 Billion, Leahy Still Waiting for a Couple Assholes to Venmo Him
ST. MARY’S HALL—Boston College made fundraising history this week with the completion of its “Light The World” campaign, successfully pulling in $1.5 billion dollars (a stunning 4% of Harvard’s endowment). Unfortunately, Fr. William P. Leahy, SJ is dissatisfied with the effort and reportedly still waiting for “a couple asshole... Read more
Off-Campus Junior Without Meal Plan Attends Mass 3 Times a Day for Eucharist
Except for the majority of your friends that have their parents pay for fucking everything, Boston College students are no strangers to the burden of collegiate expenses. Nonetheless, living on the brink of starvation was not something Junior Mike Cassidy (MCAS ’17) had anticipated upon returning to Chestnut Hill this semester. Living among a shanty... Read more
Boston College RAs Now Checking IDs for Church Wine
In keeping with its mission to be one of the safest college campuses in the country, Boston College announced last week that it would begin having RAs card students attempting to receive communion at any on-campus mass. The proposal was initially brought forth by Sarah Loffeler, A&S ‘18, who... Read more