Big Issues Archives | Page 2 of 15 | The New England Classic

Panic Spreads As Roanoke APPA Group Disappears Over Spring Break

Big Issues Service WTF March 11, 2026

The unknowing group of upstanding Boston College students embarked on their quest to be better than us and take Instagram pictures, but nobody could’ve expected what was to come. On their quest to love, learn, and serve while everyone was blacked out in the Caribbean, it seemed their group’s ambitions were too great and holy for this world to fathom.

UMass Athletics Launches New Community Outreach Program

Big Issues Sports March 3, 2026

While their other teams visited nursing homes and fundraising, men’s hockey took a trip to Chestnut Hill, and, in what seems to be a gross misunderstanding of the definition and context of the word ‘senior’ gifted two Boston College seniors with what can only be described as a lifetime of wishes come true.

Mar-a-Lago Named Top Spring Break Destination For BC Republicans

Big Issues Holidays Student Life March 1, 2026

After midterms, Boston College students head off to a variety of destinations. As some students go on service trips to feel like a good person, the majority of BC Republicans head out for a pilgrimage to Trump’s fiefdom: Mar-a-Lago.

ALERT: Everyone Else Is In Class Today, Idiot! Now Your Professor Hates You

Big Issues Campus Culture WTF February 23, 2026

For the first time, each one of your classes has near perfect attendance. A total of 249/250 people in your 9:00 AM lecture are all happy, present, and ready to learn! Your professor is so proud of them. But you, you specifically, are absent. Fucking moron! Everyone is laughing at you!

UGBC President Saw Their Shadow, Six More Weeks Until UGBC Statement On ICE

Big Issues Student Life February 6, 2026

After Punxsutawney Phil declared his shadow seen on Fox News, President Dewchitt was quick to relay the news to the rest of the UGBC senate. In an emoji-filled message sent to the UGBC discord titled “UGBC4LIFE????????” on Monday, February 2nd, Dewchitt affirmed, “the ICE stuff is gonna have to wait ???? i dont make the rules — the beaver does ????.”

Boston College Announces Plans To Open New Satellite Campus In Ittoqqortoormiit, Greenland

Big Issues Campus Culture ResLife January 22, 2026

As part of President Donald J. Trump’s plan to annex Greenland, Trump has been working to establish an educational institute in the soon-to-be 51st state.

WASP Infestation In The Theology Department: Boston College Catholics Are Stung

Big Issues School November 14, 2025

It all started when the Morrissey College of Arts and Sciences decided to implement a new diversity, equity, and inclusion policy that mandated hiring one staff member who crosses their arms over their chest during communion each academic year.

BCRepublicans Protest Drag Brunch For “No Queen’s Day”

Big Issues Campus Culture Student Life October 24, 2025

This past Saturday as “No Kings Day” protests swept the nation to protest the Trump Administration, the short, fat, and ugly eunuchs in BCRepublicans knew they needed to do something to stand up for their Daddy.

McMullen Exhibit Looks Oddly Familiar: NEC Investigates The Heist

Big Issues Campus Culture October 22, 2025

In response to this crisis, detectives at the Classic have begun investigating the situation—a credible source as they bring great experience having recently binged the Ocean’s One through Eleven.

Following Federal Government Shutdown, UGBC Vows To Continue Doing Absolutely Nothing

Big Issues Campus Culture October 10, 2025

“Following the suit of our effective federal government,” said Munnyin Pockets (CSOM ‘28), “…We want to reassure the student body that our unique ability to accomplish absolutely nothing of substance will continue as usual.”