Gasson Exhibiting Signs Of Napoleon Complex After Arrival Of Much Taller Crane
Big IssuesCampus Culture January 26, 2023
“That big ole nerd? He stink. Nobody like crane,” replied Gasson in a clear exhibition of its newly developed Napoleon complex.
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Receipt Reveals That Student Actually Did Order A Side Of Bug
Big IssuesCampus CultureStudent LifeWTF November 15, 2022
Due To Warm Weather, UCS Starts Support Group For Canada Goose Owners
Big IssuesCampus Culture November 11, 2022
“This warm weather has gotten really concerning lately,” said Sue Warm (CSOM ’25). “It shouldn’t be 65 degrees in November– it’s just not natural. We are biologically inclined to be wearing our Canada Goose jackets at this time of the year. Repressing this instinct is making us all feel super depressed. I’m so depressed, I’ve only been using Olaplex steps 3-5. I’m too depressed to even use steps 6-9.”
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That student is Political Science major Demi Crocy (MCAS ’25). “Yeah, the country has gone to shit in the past few years, but you have to weigh the benefits and the costs. One walk to the mail room could be what I consider ‘worth the effort,’ but then I would have to walk to another mailbox after I filled out my ballot. Think about it. Is it really worth it?”
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With a plethora of juniors spending their Fall semester abroad, private snapchat stories have seen an exponential growth despite becoming largely obsolete since 2019. Broadcasting their sick experiences, like clubbing in Spanish cities, speaking exclusively English to locals, and definitely NOT longing to attend tailgates, students studying abroad have taken the opportunity to flex on all their America-bound friends.
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WTF: This Eco-Conscious Girl Uses Condoms?
Big IssuesSex October 18, 2022
Addies-Adjacent Dining Location “Subtracties” To Open On Campus
Big IssuesStudent Life October 14, 2022
This past weekend, Addies was humbled as a new dining location “Subtracties” opened up straight across the Lower plaza.
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Fr. Leahy Invites Kanye West To Perform At MarMon: “I Think He’s Really Come Around!”
Big IssuesLeahy October 13, 2022
Leahy continued, “He’s saying things a lot of people are afraid to say nowadays, and I know the youth listen to him. Also, I love that bar where he’s like, ‘She say ‘Can you get my friends in the club?’ I say ‘Can you get my benz in the club?’ If not, treat your friends like my Benz, Park they ass outside ‘til the evening end.’”
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“This bad boy also has a sick audio system that can play 6 songs, a trunk to hold my empty backpack, and does NOT have seatbelts, so my adrenaline junkie self is really enjoying the rush it gives.”
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Cool Dad Transported From Tailgate (For Routine Colonoscopy)
Big IssuesDrinking September 30, 2022
“It all happened so fast,” recalls Bruce McManus Jr. (CSOM ’23), who was witness to the episode. “One moment, I was crushing brews and tossing the pigskin with my old man. Next thing I knew, he’s getting examined for swollen/irritated tissues, polyps, or cancer in his large intestine!”
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