Freshman Girl’s Shoulders Fall Victim To Lustful Gaze Of St. Ignatius Statue
FreshmenStudent Life April 23, 2018
OUTSIDE – In an effort to enjoy the long-awaited sunny day on the Heights, Heather Lewdowski (CSON ’21) perched herself on the base of the St. Ignatius statue on Monday afternoon, hoping to catch up on homework she neglected over the weekend and soak up some rays with classmates.... Read more
Philosophy Professor Blown Away By Students’ Enhanced Participation Today
HolidaysStudent Life April 20, 2018
TOKES HALL — Though discussions in Professor Robert Burnes-Dank’s Friday morning Perspectives class typically fall flat, today’s session ended on a rather high note. The entire class provided deep, burning, introspective thoughts surrounding Plato’s allegory of the cave. It was the most class participation Burnes-Dank had seen in his... Read more
Oh No: CAB Booked Their Brother-In-Law’s Band For Modstock After Their Wife Said It Would Mean A Lot To Him
Student Life April 18, 2018
LOWER CAMPUS — In an announcement that left countless students disappointed, the Campus Activities Board (CAB) revealed Thursday that My Old School, a Steely Dan cover band headed by their brother-in-law Rick Enroll would be the headline act for the 2018 “Modstock” concert. While CAB considered a few more well-known... Read more
Sophomore Who Regularly Sleeps Through 11 AM Class Happily Wakes Up At 6 AM To Drink
HolidaysStudent Life April 17, 2018
WALSH HALL — Connor Fitzgerald, a local sophomore who regularly skips his 11:00 AM Globalization class, happily woke up yesterday at 6:00 AM in anticipation of Marathon Monday. “This is the earliest I’ve seen him awake all semester,” said roommate David Brady (LSOE ’20). “He literally never goes to... Read more
I’m Not Waking Up At 6 AM Tomorrow To Drink, I’m Waking Up Because This Recipe Takes 12 Hours In The Crockpot
HolidaysStudent Life April 15, 2018
Slow Cooker Baked Beans Total: 12 hr 15 min Active: 5 min Yield: 12 servings Ingredients 1 bag dried navy beans, soaked overnight One 6-ounce can tomato puree 1/2 cup brown sugar 1/4 cup molasses 1 tablespoon dry mustard 8 slices bacon, cut into 1-inch pieces 1 large onion,... Read more
Underground Frat Announces “The Sound And The Fury” As April Book Of The Month
Student Life April 11, 2018
FOSTER STREET – The brothers of Sigma Phi Epsilon, Boston College’s premier and only attempt at Greek life, announced Thursday that William Faulkner’s The Sound and the Fury as the April selection for their monthly book club. This announcement comes on the heels of March’s insightful discussion of Ayn... Read more
CORCORAN COMMONS — Inspiration struck sophomore Tom Wilson Sunday as he sat on the second floor of Corcoran Commons. Wilson exploded onto the Boston College social media scene by snapping a picture of his unsuspecting roommate who was waiting in the checkout line on the first floor. Students report... Read more
CHESTNUT HILL, MA — Stating that the gruesome habit no longer reflects what the organization stands for, Boston College Emergency Medical Services (BC EMS) reported Monday morning that it will cease stealing the kidneys of inebriated students. While it intends to continue providing hospital transportation and other services for the... Read more
The administration of Boston College, a Jesuit, Catholic university, released a video Thursday which suggests that they believe in magic, but have yet to provide evidence that the university believes in the existence of LGBTQ+ students. Students, tour groups, and Potterheads alike have been drawing comparisons between the architecture... Read more
MCELROY COMMONS — Mike at Mac™ announced Thursday that Carney’s Dining Room, located in McElroy Commons, would be expanding dining options for vegetarian students beyond a single spinach leaf. For decades, Mac has served Boston College students an array of different meal options from Crossroads to Innovations, as long... Read more