Uh-oh! My Guy Best Friend Says I Know His Crush “Really Well”
THE FRIEND ZONE — Two seniors, both alike in delusion, in fair Chestnut Hill, where we lay our scene, met for their weekly Friday dinner at Mac.
When questioned about this weekly dinner Ian Fatuated (MCAS ‘24) explained “Yeah it all started first week freshman year, I can remember that Friday like it was yesterday…she wore this flowy dress and we talked at Mac until they had to kick us out, I walked her back to her dorm in the pouring rain, and when we got to her dorm I almost told her how badly I wanted to…high-five her…but I bailed”
When Olivia Bliviyus (LSHD ‘24) was asked separately she noted “Ohhhhhh yeah, that was when Ian spilled ketchup on his shirt, I forgot that’s why he’s called ‘Sloppy Ian’ in my contact list”
Ian got ready for that dinner like he does every Friday; putting on his nicest white button up that he’s had since 6th grade, spraying on his grandfather’s expensive perfume that Gramps wore on his first date with Grammy, and listening to Love Story by Taylor Swift.
“He’s just the best” said Olivia “The playlists he makes for me are just spectacular, they bring me to tears every time, it just touches my heart that my friend could care for me that much. I can’t believe he’s single, he’s the funniest, sweetest, little guy I’ve ever known”
At dinner, Olivia and Ian caught up on their lives. Olivia just laughed and laughed as Ian repeated his favorite sayings “I can’t believe you are so small, look how much bigger my hand is than yours, I could just throw you around! What am I even gonna do with you! Trust me your ex’s didn’t deserve someone as beautiful as you!”
As usual Olivia teased him relentlessly “When are you finally gonna tell me who you have a crush on??!!! Last time we went to that pricey wine night at Martha’s Vineyard and you had too much to drink you said to me ‘I have to tell you now or I won’t, but there is a girl I like a lot, I’d even say I love her… you know her really well’”
When Olivia’s roommate, Ray Esenbull (CSON ‘24) was interviewed she stated “Do I even need to say it? Is she forgetting when Ian TOOK HER TO PARIS, he’s not even rich, he spent his student loan money BUYING HER ART FROM THE LOUVER. She has to know, right? Right?”
After the dinner, Ian sent Olivia his daily “Goodnight Liv <3” message, and Olivia responded with her daily “Night bud!”
At press time, Olivia concluded by saying “I actually had a crush on him Freshman year, but I got over it because I didn’t think he liked me back.”